The first time we tried it she was 3 years old. She had just been given a vaccine. Her pain and feelings of betrayal towards the doctor and me were very intense. She was screaming in the doctor’s waiting room for a good ten minutes after the shot and simply could not calm down. Even after the initial prick of the needle was long gone, she kept saying that it hurt. I was very aware of the parents looking at me. I started to feel embarrassed that I was not able to calm her down. I kept on telling her “It’s finished now, it is gone” and she was so angry with my words because the pain was still there for her. Suddenly, I felt like a hypocrite, realising that I was telling my child to not feel what she feels.
Then I remembered RAIN, and I changed my tone completely.
“So,” I said, “It still hurts, huh?”
“YESSSS!!!!”, she screamed.
“Well, let’s tell the pain it is allowed to be here. It is ok for it to be here… (snif) …Where does it hurt exactly?”
She pointed to her thigh and, to my surprise, also to her heart. “What do you think it needs?” I asked.
“I don’t know!”, she managed between sobs. “Do you think it might need some love?”. She nodded.
“Ok, let’s put our hands on the thigh and send it love so it heals.” She nodded again, sobbing.
She put her hands there and I put my hands on hers… within seconds she began to calm down. . I could not believe how effective it was. Throughout the rest of the day, she would remember the experience and start to cry again. We did it another three times before the day was over and every time it had the same calming effect.
Since then, we have used RAIN many times together, often with more complex feelings such as shame and anger. She is able to go through all the steps, but only with my guidance… which is ok!